Italians Disguised as Redneck Floridians

Will someone please explain to me what “manufacturing discrepancy” occurred during the Marlboro and Coors Light-infused procedure, otherwise known as a typical Florida Native pregnancy? Any particular reason why these ignoramuses feel it’s necessary to park their car, or over-sized Monster Truck let’s be honest, literally next to their driveway? Do they really believe the reason they paid the extra 5k over asking price was due to the over-sized “sidewalk” and inevitably converted garage-to-bedroom that came with the house? I mean really folks, what in the fish-a-stocked-apartment-pond and rebel-flag-flying-but-not-know-the-true-meaning is this…

POST PICTURE 1.pngHey, I am all for finding ways to side-step maintenance repairs and brainstorming with friends to come with innovative ideas to aid in the reduction of those ugly cracks that occur in our driveways over time but this is getting ridiculous…

POST PICTURE 2.pngI am sure all of you are dying to know where I live so you can promptly set your RedFin and Zillow filters to start receiving daily updates on what’s for sale in the area and to also start sprucing up that resume for a future cross-country move! Well Ladies and Gents, I live in Jacksonville, Florida. If you do happen to make the plunge, rest-assured you can find plenty of these gems much like I did on a brief 25-30 second ride around many neighborhoods in DUUUVAL!

POST PICTURE 3.pngMy family and I are originally from the mid-west, Chicago-Land and Southwest Michigan areas to be exact. The first thing that came to mind was “They must be keeping their 4,000 pound vehicles off the driveway because we all know 100 degree heat and blacktop turn to quick-sand”. Well, that theory was quickly shot-down like me at my 8th grade dance when my investigative skills peaked and I simply opened my eyes. Driveways in Florida are NOT made of blacktop, actually none of them are.

POST PICTURE 4.pngI just don’t understand the concept behind preserving that un-edged and un-powerwashed cement driveway while they leave turf tracks and skid marks in their beautiful and bright green St. Augustine grass.

POST PICTURE 5.pngI suppose I am going to chalk it up to this ridiculous theory that I have or I’ll simply go nuts: Floridians are most-likely Italian. They are horrible drivers, there is an obscene amount of tan-skinned and dark-haired individuals in the southern part of the land in which they live…and…they take a lot of pride in their cement.

Oh of course you can have another, here you go…POST PICTURE 6.png

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